I am Ingrid Xompcki, I suffer from alternating eating disorders: Binge eating and anorexia. How is this possible? Well, I don’t know, it just happens. For weeks at a time I will hide food in my bedroom or creep down the stairs fives times every night as everyone sleeps to raid the fridge and fill my stomach, killing boredom, killing time, killing me. I just can’t fight this gluttonous need to feed until I get really desperate - until I look in the mirror and see the weight adding on, until I see the stretch-marks in angry red, and see simply someone who isn’t me. Then it all flips in reverse and I throw away food, I try to fight off hunger with accai pills and water, and ignore the churning in my stomach, the feeling of my insides caving in. It’s like either way I cannot win. I either suffer from the emotional pain of seeing myself as fat, or the physical pain of starving myself.
I use to be happy at 130 pounds…it’s been a year since then and now I’m 175 pounds and counting…when I starve myself I can go as low as 160, but that never lasts long.
I have a theory of how this all started, but it will have to wait until another day. All I will say is Job Corps. Job Corps. Fucking Job Corps.